this journal is friends only.
well, sometimes.

add me and comment to be added.
or don't be added.
i really don't care.

331 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

where are you.

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seattle is beautiful

it's beautiful here. i wish i was at a point in my life where i could truely take advantage of what this city has to offer. location wise there's no where else i'd rather be... but i would give it all up to be with you again.



time doesn't heal
it just makes the fact that he's not coming back more real every day that goes by

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to be somewhere new. To leave everything, the way you left everything that reminded you of me.






see you tuesday texas. see you next month seattle.

is it too late to tell you i meant every word of what i said..im always dead

i miss you clark

i wonder how long it's going to take to get over you. it's been months and i still think of you every second. this is the first time i've truely been hurt because i'm always doing the hurting. i hope you're okay just know that i'm not but you'll never read this anyway .

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But we all want to get fucked up and when I say we
I'm talking about every nationality on this g.l.o.b.e
And some do, some don't, some might like it, some wont,
I'll tell you what I love this so much I'm fucked up right now

This is my drinking song
And there ain't no rules what you waiting on
Pop a bottle pour your self a shot or even brew your own
If your going to drink might as well drink until you hit the floor
After you hit the floor get your ass up and pour a couple more

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wild thing, you make my heart sing

fucking dumb boy telling me he's coming to atlanta to be with me and then finding out he's getting married.


EAT.SHIT.

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http://www.keylimepie.net

that's the salon i work for.


if you've heard of the famous colorist dj freed...she would be my boss. and she's completely out of her fucking mind!

i can't wait for this next pay check to roll in so i can get tattooed.


what's new everyone?


tessa

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my new home




buckhead is so expensive though. that's where my school is. i start the 15th.

my apartment is 950 dollars a month for a one bedroom + utilities!
fucking insane!
it's super nice though. come visit.

miss you all. except only a few.

-tessa

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if you know anything about colin's funeral please call me today even if we don't get a long or something if you know anything please 972 393 9944 as soon as you can..thanks.

!%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

i do have a new myspace



and one day i'll get around to posting my venice beach pictures.

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call it quits or get a grip

when good relationships turn bad...

i think that is the worst thing that can happen in any relationship. i'd rather have someone be completely unfaithful to me so i could let them go with a big 'fuck you' then for something that was once so special to turn to utter shit. the boy i had been seeing, sometimes casual and sometimes exclusively since march..this is exactly what happened. i took advantage of so many things that now i see other people having that i should've been greatful for. such as kindness.

and then i see myself actually thinking that i should've been greatful for a boy that loved me treating me "kind" and i want to hit myself in the face. a lot.

i made a mistake a couple months ago, after he did the same..but it's like i'm the one who had to pay for it. all of the sudden he deprived me of love and affection or just saying anything nice to make me feel at the least bit like a decent human being. i normally take advantage of such things and if someone is too affectionate i can't stand it. but having someone basically say "if you want to be treated good, you have to earn it" makes me feel like i'm being held a prisoner in a fucking cave begging for a scrap piece of fuckin chicken.

total lose lose situation. now i'm just trying to put the pieces back together and keep my decency and state of mind from letting someone actually believe that loving someone that you love anyway takes time after one shortfall. this is simply untrue.


sometimes leaving means big changes but if it means keeping your self pride then you just have to do it. everyone deserves to be treated fucking awesome by whoever they are with, not just "fine". everyone just deserves to be spoiled sometimes and worshipped and kissed and just told that they are great even if you already know you are! seriously if you are with someone that just treats you "ok" then spice things up or tell them to go the fuck home!

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I got a poster with a
message beneath contempt
Bunch of insects their
mistakes are so frequent
One injection of new life in new ideas
Takes us so much further from finding peace

First I find myself forced to
oppose that kind of stupidity
Your propaganda seems
to dissapear into infinity
Secondly I feel like throwing up
when I see
Salvation army of noble races living in misery

Empty words in my face
It's your dedication I want to embrace
Impressive to see all the energy go to waste
Ridiculous to see how you keep your arms raised

Now I'm standing
on the point of interception
I've installed myself ready for your inspection
Equivalence is not a word in your vocabulary
You've got nothing to say
and that scares me

!%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

i also am not blond anymore! i'm amethyst. (dark purple)
blond is way too hard to keep up with and i'm blond naturally.

everyone go get the unrated special edition boondock saints! it's awesome and comes in an awesome case too!

and if you have halee kopcho's number please give it to me!

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the tale of the slithering snake

lets go back to yesterday. yesterday Jess, Johnny and I were coming back to my house from McDonalds(monopoly represent). When I stepped up to the doorway I thought that I felt a bug slither across my foot and I let out a peep. Then when I turned on the light it turned out to be a WATER MOCASSIN!!!!!! i was so fascinated though that i kept opening the door to see if it was there still and it kept trying to get into my house!!! it was fuckin awesome!




TRUE STORY1!!

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=)

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i'm going to marry

adrien brody:


i think he's so fucking hot

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shut up amber

i had to take this myself so bugoff:



i got it done at ae tattoo off of rosemeade right after the turnpike. billy did it. i got the idea from one of my favorite dali paintings:



so that's that. as of everything else i'm without a car, a place to live, recovering from a really bad staph infection that i got from taking horrible care of my neck tattoo, and barely going to school. all because i had to fuck my deferred judication. i was in the process of getting an apartment the day i went to jail so obviously i was refused and someone else took it. i have so much wonderful furniture just waiting around in my room, including a eurofuton, and a really cute white kubbo(ikea) table.

i was really wanting to have a place of my own, but that may not be possible now so if anyone is looking for a roommate let me know.

if you feel like i fell off the face of the earth once again you're right, it's impossible to get in contact with me right now mostly. i like it this way though. hopefully things will turn around soon, besides being out everything that matters, i'm quite happy with myself and the current people that are in my life. and i'm happy i got to see tony today. my first day going to school in a while.

i'm sad though because a few nights ago brandon couldn't sleep(while i was ill) so he didn't even think and took one of the pills they prescribed me for sleeping (i was prescribed cyclobenzaprine, hydrocodone, and cyclobenzepam) and he randomly was tested and was positive for Barbiturates so he's in jail til' thursday no bail.






just a reminder new season of Weeds has started!!!

( idonotsmile )

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gold does not forgive!

i got a new tattoo. i'm still waiting for the 31st to come to start this dali painting!
i'm trying to make money
so if you need your hair done
call me and we'll work something out
(2) 493 7444




similiar to this :


with different writing.



i Love my new hair.

thank you tony!

i love you!
all of you!
almost.
ballons or no balloons.


and yes a few weeks ago i deleted MY myspace. not you.

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tomorrow



i will have that tattooed on my right shoulder blade.

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I know what goes on behind my back, every night I'm afraid I'll never leave, afraid I'll never know what's good for me. And now you say that, you say you love me. Well I may have your heart, but she has your body. And now you swear that you're being honest, but you're not honest, you never could be.


i really wish i wasn't alive right now.

here's a llama there's a llama and another little llama



he was a llama/cow mixture.

lot of llama

look at his mouth!


llamas are super friendly. the second i got out of the car they were walking up to the fence. they were still trying to keep it low key. they'd take a step, eat weeds, then take another. one day i'll take them all on a field trip to taco bueno and have them back before anyone notices.





just a little about llamas.

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SATANS BLOW UP DOLL

PIRATE PARTY DANGER NIGHTS









( ithink )

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i like girls that wear abercrombie and fitch





i saw imogen heap last night and twas amazing. i believe i have strep throat. also, i missed fair to midland. please tell me how it was. and stay away from green macaroni and cheese. a more intense update coming soon. good riddance.

3 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

CHARLIE HOW YER ANGELZ GET DOWN LIKE DAT

my life as of late, looking like a blonde bombshell of course:




not drunk at all, k?




TITTAYS TITTAYS TITTAYS!!!

I LEFT BEFORE THIS WAS TAKEN BUT SEE THAT BOY HIDING IN THE BACK WITH MR GRIM REAPER? I LOVE HIM. A LOT. WE KILL EX'S TOGETHER.


now back to me:













PRETTY AS A FLOWER.





if you haven't heard, I WENT TO GEORGETOWN TO SEE NEWFOUNDGLORY LAST NIGHT! but thats besides the point. it was raining hard and this 18 wheeler hit my car and i spun around three times and into the ditch and he just drove off! luckily this guy saw what happened so he helped me get out of the ditch, then us revenge filled bitches were driving down the highway like 120 with it pouring down rain, we caught up to him and just kept honking the horn till he pulled over! fucking asshole!

it was much more dramatic then that but i'm tired so whatevz! love you

20 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She said

Breathe out
So I can breathe you in

6 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

the other night i got pulled over in oak cliff.

i was drunk, open containers, no license(on me) and my name wasn't on the insurance.
i started crying, or i had been already. but away from that and i told the officer i was lost
and my mom was expecting me home a couple hours earlier(my mom isn't even in town)
the officer didn't write me a ticket, take me to jail, but instead said i could follow him to the highway.


anyway, i know i've said it before.
but i'm really through with relationships.
through with dating.
nobody can change my mind,
i wish you could.
it just isn't worth it.
honestly, sitting at home thinking about someone or being out thinking about someone it's all the same
worthless and a waste of time.
why get upset over what someone does to you when you know what you're doing to other people by seeing them is upsetting too?


honestly, i'm so over it. over everything. over every boy that i ever felt a connection with. over jared.

it's all about fucking me and my friends, because whenever i make it about feelings, it never works out and it just ends in me having a reason to NOT have feelings towards ANYTHING.

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!<3!<3!.......@&*!^%@%

last night was fucking AMAAZZZINGGG. hah
if everything wasn't going so horribly wrong right now,
i would be the happiest little girl in the world.

when i'm not thinking of the bullshit though, i really am. this feeling is fucking amazing! seriously, i just wish shit would've gone down another time, when i could really appreciate all of this.




and a random unrelated side note thanks to amber, for being the #1 girl in my life.

i'm going to go get drunk, okay? peace.

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all i have so far



the last supper.

now the only few i've received so far with me in them(there's many more coming, i'll post as i receive.)

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my painting


at the end of it the robot gets electricuted from it's puddle of tears but that part was too complicated to put in there.

but yeah...

1 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

i have a new obsession with putting blue in my hair. you can't tell that it's that blue, but it is. matter-of-factly(because that makes sense) i'm putting more in this nest of mine right now.

in other news, today my bathroom collapsed into my living room. just ask allison reed. she knows write.

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=)
i also have a new loop through my nostril.

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my valentine

so today i have court for vday. fucking assholes. fuck da da, judge, and tha police.

i'm also valentineless, so me and amber are just going to get drunk because duh that's all we ever do.

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best pickup line of the decade-

what up, can i listen to your ipod?

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( booty school and faghawk )

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TATTZ AND CATZ

TATZ&CATZ.

CAT STOP.


CAT GO


CAT GONE?!
anyone else notice how i'm beating a boy up in some way in all of those?
i love that about me.

( werd2bigberd</lj-cut )

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baby zombies 4 sale





( hi i'm tessa and i like playing barbies and ice skating )

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3 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

this empty sky can't save



i kind of wish i wouldn't of scribbled through my face in that one now.

that was me and Austin at a show three years ago..I think the first hardcore show he went to actually, at red blood. he was 14. i don't really remember who played though..but we were "talking" or had a thing for eachother. he would always call me on the phone crying about his girlfriend..or ex. he was such a sweety, i haven't seen him or talked to him since the terror show at the door over a year ago..



one i took last halloween at kevin's halloween party.



two amazing guys in the past two months..


Rest In Peace

13 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

fuck all you bitches,
i always drink everclear straight.

3 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

queen of souf.

p.s...
angela try and say somethin'

side note: i'm starting paul mitchell in january.

5 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

( tattoo-removed...R.I.P. )

excuse me for the seperates, i'm anti the akward self timer. i feel much more comfortable with the camera in my hand then having to akwardly stack things until it's at the right height to take a picture of me.


so, basically, it looks dark right now because the ink is pushing it's way out.
i went to the best doctor possible, they have a brand new machine and they are the only place in texas that even has it..this session was FREE. i only need one more session and it's ONLY costing

200 dollars! now i think that's insanely cheap for tattoo removal. i always thought it was thousands of dollars. but honestly, if you want a tattoo removed i'll hook you up. and you can see my picture on the wall next to tupac's.

i'm kind of dissapointed by the fact that my boyfriend is just not the brightest person i know, and went i sent him a text message saying "wow that fucking hurt" he actually asked "what?"

but yeah, it did fucking hurt i won't lie. and i'm fucking pissed at my madre because the only reason i fucking agreed was because she fed me with bullshit lies about how i wouldn't even feel it. ALL LIES. but she is now getting me some red wine because the doctor said i should make her since she tricked me. and since the doctor knows best she is doing that right now.

very painful..but no scarring whatsoever! honestly, this machine is amazing.
and you should go there anyway just because they have these light up compacts that are tight and they sell a bunch of makeup that is all natural and not tested on animals.

19 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

if you only knew what was in this hoodie pocket of mine.

what's with boys?
it's like they are always doing laundry but their clothes are always dirty as fuck and smell like assnard.

sincerely,
me

5 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

zach talley

shoot for the stars even if you miss it you wil become annihalated within the depths of a black hole.

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(i should've posted this yesterday)

happy birthday john.
i fucking love you and consider you to be one of my best friends.
you've stood by me through think and thin,
you've always stood up to me,
and you've been there for me through just about everything.
despite having to see my ex and other people i extremely hate,
i went just for you because....i love you!
and i bought you the coolest last minute tom thumb presents...admit it.

so...happy birthday you old fuck. i love you.

p.s. for the first time i'm not dating an asshole.
what they say is true, opposites attract.
and fuck what ANYBODY thinks.

9 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

look at my god damn icon.
seriously.

now look at this little bunny:

just look at the little cute fuzzy bunny.

now look at me:



DO YOU STILL HATE YOUR LIFE?
reflect.

10 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

i'm currently burning a cd for my mom's birthday, which was yesterday.

i'm spending my money on these BEAUTIFUL BLACK WINGS i found at electric boutique...
and i'm also spending hers. =)
I changed my mind from piratewench when I feasted my eyes upon the most beautiful pair of demonic wings i've ever seen! so, instead i'm going to wear my beautiful velvet dress as seen in the picture given in the post before this one.
and i'm still trying to pull money together for the shoes..
so i'm going to be a fallen angel..or an angel of death by seduction.haha.
my mom wants to help me get the wings though, all she wants for her birthday is my love.
and she wants to hold the wings against me for the rest of my life so i'll do things for her.


love you, mom.


oh yeah, and the last song on this CD is Tupac-WONDA WHY THEY CALL U BITCH..
this is all in love, though.
and of course i'm also buying her a gift.

edit:
me: hey mommy i made you a cd
um.uh.well.uh.thats.?.interesting?uh.what's.on.it?um


so i have a pirate wench costume that i won't be needing anymore, it was $40 at Ragwear, I'm not sure about anywhere else because I haven't seen it anyone else. I'd be willing to give it to someone for 20, though. it's fucking adorable. let me know if you're interested.

( costume for sale )

19 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

craziest dream EVER.
YOU HAVE TO READ THIS.

okay, listen.
so i'm eating dinner with my family and i'm a black man/teen...(obviously my familia is black, too) it's my cousins birthday or something. and my cousin wants to open the window. two bees fly in, we manage to kill one of them but then the other stings my cousin. after i kill the first one, all these babies start coming out of the table. then my aunt pulls me away and says my cousin has aids and the aids is in the bees and he wants to give it to all of us, and my uncle has aids too and his bees were the little bees that were in the table.

all of the sudden, the kitchen turns into winfree(school) and my aunt turns into my principle and i turn into a girl. she starts talking to me about how she noticed that this guy started being really nice to these two girls, and she thought he was going to use the bees to kill them too. this girl with red hair was planning to let the bees out of her purse to kill them, and if i just told the truth as to whether or not i had a part of it then i wouldn't be in trouble. then she asks me if it's okay if she opens the window, immediately i am suspicious that she wants to let the bees in to kill me and i scream and leave. then she comes into the main room and gives me this thing that looks like a car clicker. i press it, and suddenly i realize all these cages on the floor that have been there before. as i press them, the cages lift and close up one by one with people inside them. everyone turns black and all of the sudden winfree has become a slave holder place(no idea how else to describe it).

i don't remember what happens next, but i meet up with some friends and we decide to go to this concert. there is about 4 of us, and none of us have an id but two get away and then me and my friend eventually just keep running away from the people that i.d. i run through this tunnel and wait in the dark for about two hours. then i end up in this under the floor compartment thing with all these beers and i'm thinking "holy shit my mom is going to call jay because she thinks i am with him." then the cops open this door to the concrete compartment and say "OH HEY GURRRRRL" and tell me my parties over. i step out and this black dude is like damn this is the party spot and him and all his friends get into the compartment and i'm screaming "DUDE WHATS YO PROBLEM?" and he's liek "WHAT THE FUCK, BIIIATCH" and he tries to chase after me right in front of the cops..and they don't do anything.

so then, all the people they caught who were underage at the concert end back up at winfree...aka the "slave holder". i don't realize where we're at, but we're on the other side of the gate so we aren't locked in with the slaves so i feel like i'll be okay. i'm not sure what happens, but then everyone ends up on the other side of the gate, and this cop is just standing in front of the gate laughing evily like some mad scientist. then my kitty shows up, and of course the gate has spikes and electric wires at the top and she starts climbing the fence, jumping from wall to wall of it, laughing humanly like it's fun. right as she reaches the top and gets electricuted i wake up..


and this is what goes on in little tessa's dream land.

10 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

today after my job interview this man smiled at me, so i felt obligated to smirk back.
i was sitting by myself on a bench, and he decided that it would be okay to sit by me and attempt a conversation.
he seriously wouldn't stop talking to me, and then after about 5 minutes of me not saying anything he said
"it's so good to finally meet you."

apparently, he thought i was some sort of blind date named christi.
what the fuck.
grapevine singles, much?

27 TO DIE !%# IT'S A GOOD DAY..

you can bump this in yo cadillac

peeectars
( i've created a monster )

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